The Female Nomad Trap: Always Traveling, Never Belonging
The downside of constant novelty
Culture Contrasts in Latino and Foreign Courtship
In an effort to uncover the differences in dating styles between local men (Mexicans and Latinos) and foreigners, I interviewed multiple female friends.
You’re 33, in a breezy linen set, sipping a flat white at a cafe somewhere in Latin America. You know the waiter’s name. You know which corner has the best morning light for Zoom calls. You’ve finally mastered how to say “sin azúcar” without sounding like a tourist. On paper, it’s great. You’ve escaped the rat race and American men. You’re working remotely. What’s the negative.
I have an odd amount of female foreign friends. Often they are more outgoing than the men, but still… many of them say there's a dull ache underneath the aesthetics. You’ve been to five countries this year and somehow feel lonelier than ever. You meet new people constantly but no one really knows who your are. Dating is fun until but there still a big culture gap that makes things feel empty.
It’s the side of the nomad dream that women don’t like to talk about. For many, there’s still a trap identity confusion, culture shock, and emotional burnout.
Constant Novelty
For a lot of women, the early days abroad feel euphoric. You reinvent yourself with every plane ticket or hide your past. But for many local men…you’re still a novelty vs a person.
You’ve been to enough coworking mixers that you get bored of the superficial tech bros. You’re still meeting people, but no one seems to stick. Every connection has an expiration date. The cute dude from salsa class still ghost you.
From everyone I talk to…the emotional whiplash, seems worse for women. I heard many more women back up and go home than I hear men. Mean typically stick it out. They are completely fine not having a bunch of friends and don’t require as much social contact. But women on the other hand, operate a little differently and socially burn out much faster.
There’s a reason so many women come to Latin America to “find themselves.” It’s colorful, warm, passionate, and romantic. The locals have a zest for life that feels contagious. The pace is slower, the weather is better, and rent is cheaper. Underneath this beauty…Latin America still believes in structure and much of that structure is still patriarchal.
It’s the mindset. Gender roles aren’t subtle. Men act like men (which for many is considered “machismo”, women act like women, and the whole society orbits around family vs personal fulfillment. For some, it can be thrilling at first, especially if you’re tired of Western ambiguity. A man holding the door for you and insisting on paying for dinner might feel refreshing…But so many women end up saying… “No..I don’t date Mexican/Colombia/Brazilian guys”
The independent streak gets misunderstood as coldness. The sarcasm doesn’t land. Your ambition gets side-eyed. You’re not a “bad woman,” you’re just not the kind of woman Latin men are trained to marry or date.
- Dating Latin Men
Many women say, Latin men are charming. Sometimes too charming. They know how to flirt. For women starved of affection or masculine energy…it feels great.
But then, that charm often comes with intense cultural expectations. He might wine and dine you, but don’t expect him to support your business. Don’t expect him to care about your feminist takes. And don’t expect him to cook dinner. Latin masculinity is built on protection and providing…but also control, status, and pride.
They might adore you in public, but shame you for posting a bikini pic online. They might compliment your body, then joke that you need to learn how to cook. They won’t say it maliciously. It’s just… normal to him. His mom did it all. Why wouldn’t you?
Secondly, a lot of men here view foreign women as a temporary fantasy. You're not the woman he’s bringing home to abuela. There’s a ceiling to your place in his life and many foreign women don’t realize it until it’s too late.
Latina Women Aren’t Your Friends
It’s a hard truth, and maybe it shouldn’t be. But it is. The sisterhood you expected to feel abroad? You won’t find it here. Latina women, especially in countries where looks and class matter, aren’t welcoming to foreign women as much as they seem. I thought it was odd at first, that almost none of my foreign female friends, have local female friends… They’re to competitive.
It’s not that foreign women are evil. But you are a threat. You show up with U.S. dollars, you’re considered exotic. You take their men, soak up their social spots, and don’t follow the unspoken rules.
Even when you're trying to be respectful, trying to learn Spanish..You're not one of them. Social hierarchies in Latin America are unspoken but brutal. And you're an outsider, no matter how much yoga you do.
Meeting People - But Not Making Friends
In most digital nomad circles, everyone wants to connect. But few want to commit. You’ll go to brunches and hiking trips and rooftop parties and then they’ll be gone. On to the next visa, the next city. Or from the local side, they simply never commit because they never expect you to stay. The average female expat stays in the city much less than the average male expat. The type of women that has the freedom and income to travel, usually also have the travel bug, or aren’t on a stable enough income to stay long term. You usually move back to the states every couple months to make money and come back.
Many women get caught in “connected” nomad communities that revolve around events, but not intimacy or friendship.
The Archetypes
After enough time abroad, I start noticing patterns especially among women.
There’s the Runaway - she left a bad breakup or a soul-sucking job and never looked back. But now it’s been three years and she still flinches when people ask what she wants next.
There’s the Fantasy Addict - always chasing sunsets and beach boys, convinced her life is a movie.
The Spiritual Hustler left capitalism behind only to burn out in yoga teacher trainings and cacao ceremonies. She talks about “energy” but doesn’t have it anymore
And the I’m Not Like Other Gringas girl - She’s often the most confused of all. She mocks tourists, lives in local neighborhoods, speaks great Spanish but still isn’t accepted.
If you’ve been abroad long enough, you’ve met these women. Maybe of of them is you.
People won’t say this part out loud, but if you want a family, a stable relationship, or a long-term partner, the nomad lifestyle often works against you.
Most Latin men want to marry local, younger, traditional women. That doesn’t make them bad. It just means your lifestyle might not match their goals.
So where do you want to be? What do you want to do? How do you want it all to end?
Is it me or do women have vastly more disposable income than men than ever before? Women are traveling a lot more than men are. Something is funding that.
Interesting and nicely written too. And so true!!