My Thoughts on German Social Culture

Before I moved to Mexico, I had lived in a lot of different places. Germany was one place that stuck out in an…interesting way. For whatever reason, my young mind aspired to working in banking. I figured Germany is pretty good with banks, so learning German might give me a leg up on the international business stage. Germany is a premium European country. I also had the idea of working in an embassy or consulate, and Germany seemed like the best entry point into Europe at the time. I also enjoyed language challenges, so for whatever reason, I chose German instead of Spanish.

After living in Germany on and off for multiple years, from small towns to big cities, I eventually just got bored. Anyone working in German business likely spoke just as good if not better English than me, so there was no advantage, and frankly, Germans are just a boring people. The social aspects of the country are very strange. Very “Beta” if you will. So, as a break from the typical Latin America-focused writing, here are a couple of my thoughts on Germans and their social culture.There is no surefire way to understand a culture after only a short time. Even half a decade can be short for some, It's all subjective. But I was fortunate enough not to live with groups of Americans, or be associated with the military. I often just pop into places and do my own things. You will look at everything in a different way based on how you were raised and what you think. But you can always compare the little things to your life.

Here is my example...

The way I was raised, if you have a problem with something or someone, you say it. It doesn't have to be something to fight over, but if it is, why not say something instead of playing games?

I've noticed (for the most part) Germans will not often openly say anything. They seem to not like making a big deal over certain things publicly, but I've slowly started to notice small passive-aggressive actions in multiple different fields.

Time

The stereotype that Germans are very timely is false in my opinion. Lots of Germans are often just as late as anyone else, and even if you set a time, they might not be on time. ( Germans have nowhere near the disregard towards time as Latin Americans, but by they are no where near the sticklers time respect as people things)…. Unless you are on their time.

When the tables turn, and they want you to be on time, then they get antsy and play the ditch game.

Example:

Early on in my euro portion of life, I spent time with a German family, and on multiple occasions, I was left to run and catch up or find my own way somewhere over time frames as short as a minute.

The host family left me at least twice over last-minute things like taking a trip to the bathroom. (Could have waited 2 minutes) When I come back, they are nowhere to be found, and I receive a call to catch up. Two minutes?! I'm almost sure that if I wasn't family, they would leave me in a truck stop bathroom because I spent a minute to fold the wood chip toilet paper in the bathroom.

Other times, I have been rushed to come outside when all I want to do is put my jacket on.

Arguments and Fights

I don't want to be politically ignorant and incorrect, but after you get your ass handed to you in a couple of wars, maybe you learn to sit down and shut the fuck up.

I assume Germans have been reprogrammed since the Nazi era to diffuse fights, rather than finish them.

Too many times I have gotten near to the point of an argument only to have Germans back down when I raise my voice. ( Outside of Germany..Germans are thought to be aggressive because of the tone of their language. But once you understand the language..It appears very polite) The mass amount of immigration in Germany has created an interesting situation where the typical german does not know how to handle even the smallest confrontation.

As a matter of fact, I've figured out the best way to end an argument or fight is simply to sit down and call the bluff.

I would simply tell the person something along the lines of; It's a bad idea for you to fight me.

All at the same time I smile and take steps back.

Example:* This may not have been the best thing to do, but no one is perfect*

A small cardboard coaster was thrown in a beer hall..

It might have been at me...or just randomly.

Thinking nothing of it..I picked it up and tossed it back where I thought it came from. I personally thought it was funny. It may or may not have hit a group of guys sitting around drinking. But they felt threatened and came over to confront me. About 4 of them cornered me.

In any other country I would prepare my fist and start eyeing a heavy item near me in case something happens.

But in Germany...I simply turned around and sat back at my table.

I even told the group I was with to ignore them also..don't try to hold them back. In the end, it's unlikely that any of the four would throw a punch.

It's not in the culture to be confrontational like that.

As I predicted..they were utterly confused at my unwillingness to even acknowledge them and seconds later..walked back to their seats to whisper about me out of earshot.

Not standing up for yourself, or women/girlfriend

This is a phenomenon that I'm gonna have to research some more one day. For the time being, every case I have been part of has ended the same.

I dub it "Deer in the Headlights Syndrome". This is when you are so utterly confused that you just stand from afar without a clue what to do.

Being the social person that I am (and the fact that lots of beautiful girls are never alone), I often walk into groups of people to talk to. I may or may not be set on getting the girl. I may just be looking to talk to people. But this is what often happens:

So far I've noticed three steps that Germans take to counter this.

1.Become friendly with me

I don't have a clue in hell why you would be nice to the guy trying to take your girl. *This sometimes works if the guy is so nice and talkative that I get tired of his voice, realize the girls aren't worth it, and leave... but 90 percent of the time, I tune it out.

2. Give a back handed compliment

 This is understandable... try to say something to make me look bad. It may or may not work... but if anyone catches it, you look like a dick because you were the nice guy a couple of minutes ago.

*This is where the failure is... You chose the wrong steps to stop me, and now I will punish you for it.

3. Make excuse to cause everyone to leave.

The guy falls sick, or says he wants to go. Anything to make the whole group leave or break the mood.

This works if the guy has his plan tight and can get everyone to move fast. But sometimes it works against him and he provides a venue change. He may think I've become the satellite of the group, but in reality, I'm just taking time to get fresh air.

Here are a couple of example cases:

Group of 3 girls and two guys:

One guy is pretty drunk and the other one is on his way.

I start talking to the girls and even include the guys in the conversations. I slowly escalate to putting my hands around the girl, and the guys notice but don't react.

I've done nothing mean-spirited to the guys, but they seem to be utterly confused about how I got my hand around the girl and even more confused about how I'm able to keep it there. (Naturally, I'm a touchy person)

It may not have been his girlfriend, but if a random guy steals one of the girls in my group, words will be exchanged and he has to go.

It might be cockblocking, but at the same time, a shepherd must protect his flock.

The guy first tried to befriend me, but never dropped a backhanded compliment.

Instead, he wanted to leave, and the girls dragged us to another club, where he eventually got lost in the crowd and I took the girl.

Group of 2 girls, 2 guys:

This was a bold move that I was rewarded for.

I opened a group that, to this day, could have been 2 couples.

This time both guys went through steps... one applauded me and befriended me, the second one dropped backhanded compliments.

All this happened in an area so small that the guy had to graze me to get a better position.

Within 10 minutes I was teaching the girl he brought out the proper way to use her tongue.

I knew I wasn't taking her home, but I was rewarding myself and emasculating the man for his comments. ( Again I frame this as my younger days when I figured I would live forever)

Eventually he pulled his head out of the lights and said he wanted to go home, and being the driver, he held the keys.

Dinner party group:

While the girlfriend was initially quiet, she warmed up after a couple of shots, and when we all went downtown, despite my efforts to not show her attention, she repeatedly left her boyfriend to talk to me. Even when I walked ahead to get in front of the pack, his girlfriend latched onto my arm like a child.

I took the whole group to a bar that I'm a regular at (friends are bartenders). I was given a couple of shots by the host.

I could see the looks in the boyfriend's eyes, and I stopped talking to his girlfriend out of respect.

He skipped every step and went to the last. He eventually picked up and walked off, leaving me with a different friend.

I'll give them the benefit of the doubt that it was loud in the whole district, but the other half of the group never returned our phone calls when we tried to meet back up.

My logical thought would have been to tell my girlfriend I didn't appreciate her latching onto some other guy.

But I guess passive aggressiveness is how Germany rolls now.

I’m curious to know what other peoples experiences in Germany have been.