Why Dating & Living Below Your Class Abroad Can Backfire

The Hidden Risk of Living Too 'Humbly' Abroad

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You hear it all the time from backpacker blogs and Instagram gurus: “Live like a local.” “Be humble.” “Don’t isolate yourself in the rich neighborhoods.”

And yeah, on the surface, it sounds noble. But suppose you try to live like a local in Latin America while ignoring your obvious economic advantage. In that case, you’re setting yourself up to get quietly resented, manipulated, and possibly and eventually turned into a walking target.

One of the most common mistakes I see expats and nomads make is trying to downplay their class. They’ll rent an apartment in a working-class neighborhood, make friends with the cleaning lady, start dating a girl who works at a juice stand and pat themselves on the back for “integrating.”

And for a little while, it might feel good or “Authentic” Until the smiles start fading. Until the little digs start happening. Until you say no to something, and suddenly you’re an arrogant, disrespectful gringo who’s “out of touch with the culture.” Or part of the reason I’m writing this article (The anti-gentrification protest that has been popping up around Latin America) is that you are perceived to be standing in the way of the locals' success.

So here’s the truth: If you don’t align your living situation, social circle, and dating life with people of similar or higher class standing, you will eventually become a target. Not in a dramatic, pitchforks and torches kind of way, but through subtle manipulation, social punishment, and loss of respect. And once that happens, there’s not much you can do to recover. You can and possible WILL lose friend and make enemies even if you are unaware off it.

I’m not writing this, shaming any locals, or saying all poor people are out to get you. But this is the “Controversial Newsletter for Expats & Nomads” So you should understand the deep, often unspoken class dynamics that exist everywhere but especially abroad. And if you’re serious about living long-term in Latin America (or Southeast Asia, or Eastern Europe), you need to know exactly what you’re walking into.

Short Outline Of the Article For those that aren’t subscribed

Why “living humbly” abroad can actually put you in danger

How class resentment quietly builds sometimes erupts

The issue of dating below your class level

How “culture” can get weaponized to exploit foreigners

Examples from Mexico, Colombia, the Philippines exct

Why even Latinos raised abroad still get targeted

How to avoid all of it

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The Original Sin: Pretending You’re Poor When You’re Not

Straight to the Point - You are not a local. And no matter how much Spanish you speak, how many tacos you eat, or how many Instagram reels you post about street food, the second people know where you’re from, they will project wealth and privilege onto you.

You might be living off $2,000 a month and think you’re slumming it. But compared to the guy making 7,000 pesos a month cleaning bathrooms? You’re Bezos. When you pretend you’re “just like everyone else,” it doesn’t build trust. Instead it creates friction. Because now you’re either a liar or an idiot. And once people sense that you’re trying to “play humble” when you’re clearly in a different financial league, the resentment quietly begins to brew. Even among friends of you’re, there may be these issues.

Class Warfare in Reverse: Resentment From the Bottom Up

Resentment isn’t always loud. For Decades, tourist and foreigners have been traveling and living around the world. More often these resentments will simmer. These have nothing to do with you speficially. Its typical a government issue where the governement will more often respect money more than the people. They promise the people the world and consistently undeliver. Instead of being solely mad at the government ( And throught through the governments great marketing manipulation, the government will often push our to make outsiders the scapegoats. You’ll start noticing it in the way people ask for favors without saying thank you. The expectation that you’ll pay more “because you can.” The guilt trip when you say no. And then there are the passive-aggressive comments framed as cultural observations. “In our culture, we don’t do X ” “It’s rude to say no to helping family.” “You shouldn’t complain you’re lucky to be here.”

You’ll get played for being polite. You’ll get tested because you’re foreign. And the second you draw a boundary, it’s flipped into a moral failing. This isn’t unique to any one country it’s how low-income resentment plays out globally. You’re not seen as a person you’re a symbol. And symbols are disposable.

There’s also an inferiority complex embedded into this dynamic. You didn’t create it but you walked into it. You represent something they want but can’t access: freedom. That’s not just money, it’s about options. The guy who’s been stuck in the same neighborhood his whole life sees you hop countries and order Ubers like it’s nothing. You don’t need to flex to make them feel inferior. Just existing does it.

IDating Below Your Class

This is where it can dangerous phyically or financially. When you date women (or men) from much lower socioeconomic backgrounds, you’re not in a relationship, you’re in a transaction. Sure, there will people that claim “Every relationship is a transaction” There are also people that believe “No, she loves me for me” These are both extremes. Nothing is black and white, but when there is a signifigant socioeconomic difference, it often shows more.

It may not look that way at first. At first, she’s sweet, low-maintenance, excited to be with a foreigner. You feel like you’ve found something “real.”

But give it time. The asks start small. “Can you help with my phone bill?” Then it becomes, “My mom’s rent is due.” Then her cousin needs a laptop for school. Then she wants to study English, and you’re the sponsor. And if you ever push back? If you say, “I don’t feel comfortable with this” suddenly you don’t love her. You don’t understand her culture. You’re just like all the other foreigners who use people. Unfortunately, this happens a lot more than what people want.

It’s a sort of blackmail wrapped in cultural guilt. Now that here or the family knows that you have a disposable income, you’re expected to be the provider…but in some cases, the provider role extends to the family.

If you do keep giving, the respect still disappears. Some foreigners end up simply being the ATM for their partners families.

Global Patterns

This also isn’t unique to Latin America? Ask anyone who’s lived in the Philippines or Thailand. All of a sudden, it’s “cultural” for the boyfriend to pay for college. Foreigners are “expected” to buy land for the family. It’s “traditional” to support the girl’s extended relatives. And if you don’t, you’re disrespecting the culture. You’re a colonizer. You’re a cheapskate.

Those 90 day fiance shows are an exaggeration of this. But it often happens on different levels.

Meanwhile, local guys don’t do any of that. But you're the foreigner, so the rules are different.

Even Colombians, Mexican, Brazilians ect, born in the U.S. get hit with the same dynamic. Spanish-speaking, culturally aware, Latino by bloodand still treated like a walking ATM or a second class citizen the second people find out they earn in dollars. “Gringo and pocho” becomes a slur with a smile behind it.

The “You Don’t Understand” Card

One of the most manipulative tools you’ll run into is the “you just don’t understand” argument. You’ll hear it when you question shady business practices. When you notice corruption. When you ask why something inefficient keeps getting done the same broken way. It can even happen if you simply parrot the exact same points that a local makes.

Bring up rent hikes? You’re insensitive. Refuse to tip a waiter who gave you bad service? You’re entitled. Say no to paying someone else’s debt? You’re arrogant.

Everything you do that deviates from unspoken expectations gets reframed as cultural ignorance. Even if locals themselves say the exact same things in private. The difference is they’re allowed to criticize it. You’re not.
Example from Mexico City

Gentrification Protests Are Just a Symptom

Mexico City and Medellín have both had anti-gentrification protests targeting foreigners. You’ll see slogans like “gringo go home” spray-painted on apartment buildings. Windows smashed. Airbnbs vandalized. Sometimes it goes to the extreme of death threats.

But I continually ask myself: Are they protesting the government that failed to create affordable housing? Are they angry at corrupt developers who buy up land? Nope. They’re mad at you.

Because you’re the most visible and easily accessible target. You have no vote, no union, and typically no legal recourse. And you represent something they can’t control.

Economics of Resentment

I harp again…That this isn’t personal. Sometimes that’s what makes it worse. You’re not being hated for who you are. You’re being resented for what you represent.

You are a symbol of inequality of freedom of options. The guy who works 10 hours a day for $400/month sees you posting Instagram stories from Medellín cafés with your MacBook first thinks.. What an exciting life. But then slowly thinks, “Why the fuck does he get to do that?” Again. This isn’t any different in how people crown instagram influencers and movie stars. But again, in similar fashion movie starts are getting much less attention than before.

You didn’t take anything from anyone but in their mind, you’ve already won. Once people see you as the “winner,” they’ll start trying to rebalance the game.

And the more polite, generous, and well-meaning you are? The more confused they get. Now they might think you’re either naïve or fake. And either way, it justifies treating you like you don’t deserve respect.

**The Family Traps: You’re Dating Her, But Marrying Her Burdens

I write a bit freeform, so I’m coming back to this point. You start dating a girl, and she seems sweet, independent, and down to earth. Then you meet her family and it all changes.

Suddenly, you’re not just her boyfriend. You’re the unofficial provider for a cast of unemployed relatives, sick grandparents, and school-aged siblings. It’s not always explicit. Sometimes it’s just “hints.”

Her mom talks about needing some. Her cousin messages you asking if you do online work. Her brother “needs a phone to start his business.”

You didn’t sign up for it. But now it’s expected and if you back out, its almost like you’re betraying them.

The solution (While highly unpolitically correct...sis to stop dating and hanging out with poor people. It’s not about being elitist. It’s about protecting your time, your peace, and your dignity.

Live in neighborhoods where people aren’t looking at you like a wallet. Date people with education and goals. Heavily vouch for these values instead of going purely off of beauty.

Build a social circle of equals. Not fans. Not dependents. Not charity cases.

Yes, it’ll cost more. But you’ll sleep better. You won’t be secondguessing every interaction.

And you’ll finally start building a real life abroad..

Let me know your thoughts in the comments.